Weirdness On The Ides

Kage Baker believed that topics in general news come in cycles. She had no theories on why, or what influenced the schedule; but it appeared to her that specific weird things would suddenly fill her purview from time to time, in hordes – and for no known reason, she’d find herself confronting Crayola crayons for several days. Or news about exploding gas lines. Or advertisements for radium water, cocoanut water, ancient glacier water; crackpots, rumpots and How are you, Mr. Wilson?

Harvey was deeply symbolic of this entire coincidental weirdness cycle, you see. And today is a Harvey day.

Oreos has just recently celebrated its centenary with the production of a birthday cake Oreo – a lovely idea, except that they’ve replaced the cream filling with buttercreme frosting, and the cookies no longer taste like Oreos. At all. Or even smell like them, which is tragic: because that slightly bitter, burnt umber fragrance of an Oreo is especially emblematic.

Today the buzzards returned to Hinckley, Ohio (didn’t believe me, did you? Ha!). The first one was seen at 8 AM this morning.

A gorilla has been reported roaming loose in Alabama. No gorillas, though, have been reported escaping from any Alabama zoos. Witnesses are adamant that is was neither a bear nor a Bigfoot (with which, apparently, they are familiar).

A tiny dragon has been discovered in Indonesia. Actually, she is a gliding lizard, and as she was found in the act of laying eggs, it is assumed she is a member of a species:

She doesn’t breathe fire. But we haven’t found her paramour yet …

A new species of frog has been found. Of course, this happens all the time lately, but this one … lives in New York City. Kinda odd.

Bears and squirrels are learning to use tools. A juvenile bear was filmed using a stone tool to scratch itself, and a squirrel somewhere has learned to drink from a straw.

Germans, who have recently begun cautiously returning their wolves to the wild in nature preserves, have released a surprising report. The wolves don’t preferentially hunt livestock, woodcutters, or little girls with flashy hoodies. They hunt other wild animals. Apparently the go-to source for wolf management has previously been The Brothers Grimm …

Someone is turning homeless people into wifi hot spots. Someone else has figured out how to make cyborged snails that generate electricity (slowly).

Someone else reports that obligate carnivores – specifically, cats – literally lack the sensory equipment to even taste sugars: which begs the question, why then do so many domestic cats eat all the cookies and cakes they can get their paws on? Ever seen a cat disembowel a Twinkie? They like something they can taste in sweeties …

I haven’t been saving these up, Dear Readers. This has just been one of those days when weird facts are everywhere I look. The mere proliferation of them is weird in itself; like the station from the Twilight Zone has gotten a new power source and expanded its broadcast range. Maybe it has something to do with it’s being the Ides of March, when peculiar things happen all over Rome, At least in Julius Caesar: lionesses whelping in the streets, burning men wandering the city.

Cats and dogs living together … eating Hostess cupcakes. Around here, anyway.