Feeling Better

Kage Baker would have told me today: “Brace up, kiddo! You’ve got things to do and it’s almost Christmas and there’s no profit in lying around feeling sorry for yourself. Get up and do something while you can!”

And she’d be right. Okay, so I spent yestreday in a total funk, wading hopelessly through the Slough of Despond, wailing and carrying on. All that accomplished was to scare all my good friends and Dear Readers, and several of you are probably guilty of Venial Sins of Intent and Athene’s head is about to blow up. Kimberly is muttering murder, and I think even the cats are upset – someone shredded a lot of Medi-Cal papers on my desk today, and there is evidence of tiny feet having danced triumphantly in the rubble …

That brought me to my senses. There is no use sinking further and further into despair. Yes, there’s a delay and it’s upsetting – but a little delay, while infuriating and full of bad memories of Kage’s doomed fight, will not actually hurt me. I have my doctor’s word on that. A week won’t hurt, she said. Maybe not even a month. And we’ll you have in in surgery before that.

So I will fight on, and when I have to wait a day or two for an answer: well, I can do that, too. I talked to a remarkably intelligent (and intelligible) young woman today, who told me exactly who to call on Tuesday next, and where my paperwork is in the system. I even got her name – Anahid, which means the moon goddess – Diana the huntress. Gotta be a good omen.

So, I apologize to everyone for being in such a black pit yestreday. There are bound to be some walls in this business, just waiting for the easily-distracted runner to hit them. I hit several this week. The delays, the season, my diagnosis – all too much, for a little while there. I’m better now. I hope you will all forgive me.

There is such a lot of good stuff around me! I have 2 pounds of See’s chocolate, thanks to Kimberly who started her own day with a daring dawn run to the Glendale Galleria. I have all my shopping done, which is simply amazing; still gotta wrap, but that’s easy. Even with the little black cat helping … we have completed our dinner shopping and come home with a 10-pound prime rib roast: gonna be all the roast beef of Olde England around here on Christmas Day! I shall make Yorkshire puddings, the little gorgeous individual ones everybody likes best, like golden flying saucers; Kimberly, who shares with Kage a talent for steamed puddings, will make one of her deadly good chocolate ones for dessert.

The weather is beautiful. The lights are all lit. The world is turning back into the light, and I am coming with it, by whatever god you care to honour at this midwinter feast.

Now I’m off to eat marzipan and bread pudding, and watch the fire leap in the fireplace. Life goes on. Me, too.

About Kate

I am Kage Baker's sister. Kage was/is a well-known science fiction writer, who died on January 31, 2010. She told me to keep her work going - I'm doing that. This blog will document the process.
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8 Responses to Feeling Better

  1. Margaret says:

    A hearty chorus of “Good King Sauerkraut looked out/On his feets uneven” to all at your residence, and may a happy Yuletide be had by all.


  2. Neassa says:

    Yea! A helpful voice, a plan, and a family feast. And I’m glad to hear what your surgeon says.


  3. Kate says:

    Thank you, Margaret. And here’s to you –

    Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
    Walla Walla, Wash., and Kalamazoo!
    Nora’s freeaing on the trolley,
    Swaller dollar cauliflower,

    Don’t we know archaic barrel,
    Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
    Trolley Molly don’t love Harold;
    Boola boola Pensacoola,


  4. Kate says:

    Neassa – yep, things are getting better. All will be well. Did you esteemed father have a good birthday?


  5. Medrith says:

    I was going to type in the Boston Charlie lyrics for you, but you have beat me to it. Merry Christmas! We ran the prepared-for-the-oven turkey over to our daughter’s house this morning, as that is where it will be cooked & we don’t know what time we can get there in the morning, as my 91-yr.-old mother is going to be here & she cannot & should not be hurried (not if we want to live). I was telling the kids about the dozens of ginormous turkey vultures that roosted in our back yard a couple of nights ago, & our angelic-looking blue-eyed blond 6-yr.-old grandson asked with his best evil grin:”Did you kill one?” I guess it’s a very short step from Turkey Lurkey to Turkey Buzzard in the mind of Richard. I love kids!


  6. Carol Light says:

    Kathleen, there is nothing to forgive. Honest thoughts and feelings honestly expressed are nothing to be regretted. That’s what venting is for — to clear the decks for what comes next. Nothing, not even Santa, can arrive if the chimney’s all blocked with leftover dreck.

    So good riddance to a very fraught couple of weeks, Breathe in, breathe out, and celebrate the winter holiday of choice:, a solstice, a festival of lights, or the most Dickensonian of Christmases. The days are getting longer and the future surely brighter.

    All the best,



  7. Kate says:

    Margaret – cats have no taste in music, I have noticed. Their loss!


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