Kage Baker was not one to stay up late at Cons. She insisted on as full a night’s sleep as she could get, so as to be sharp for the next day.
I have neither her self-discipline, nor her sleep patterns. It’s 1 in the morning now, and I have just wandered back to the room – been watching the Regency dancing for 4 hours. It was a lovely evening, ending with the most beautiful of waltzes – the Congress of Vienna waltz. It was Kage’s favourite …
I’ve decided that the way this grieving thing works for me has nothing to do with a normal progression of Time. It doesn’t get easier as Time passes. Pain doesn’t lessen and sorrow doesn’t end. From time to time, though, I just stop feeling it. Then, when I least expect it, it crashes over me like a tidal wave, as raw and new as ever.
So I am learning to enjoy the respites, and survive the returning waves. I suspect that the Congress of Vienna waltz will always hurt. Still, it is the loveliest waltz in the world … so I am certainly not going to give it up.
I don’t dance, anyway. I sit on the sidelines and knit, and am available to hold purses, watch coats and occasionally assist with a loose stay or a torn hem. It’s a classical role for an older lady for whom the dances bring more memories than partners … besides, someone has to watch the hats and shawls.
More on BayCon tomorrow, Dear Readers – though I shall be on the road most of the day, jaunting home after an early morning panel. To which end, going to bed would be a great idea.
Who knows what adventures still await me?