Kage Baker loved to write – except when she didn’t. She said the only way to be a writer was to sit still and freaking write -except when you couldn’t. She laid a geas upon me to write very single day for the rest of my life! Soooo ….

What I will write today is a list of reasons not to write today. Some are Kage’s. Some are mine. All are real.

*****

I’m tired.

I’m hyperactive.

You’re hyperactive.

It’s too hot/cold/foggy/windy/on fire.

There’s a cat on my keyboard.

I need more coffee.

I can’t find my lucky bra.

There is a car show in Morro Bay.

We packed the adapter for the German corn popper, not the laptop.

The back fell off my chair.

There’s a parrot on my keyboard.

There’s a House marathon on and the dialogue makes me feel inferior.

My hands look funny.

You’re knitting too loudly.

I left Guybrush Threepwood covered in meringue.

I just found a new Stephen King.

I just found an old Stephen King.

My protagonist disapproves of my life style.

God is waiting to take me to dinner.

I need retsina and rahat loukoum.

Plums just came in season. Yes, right this very minute.

We need a dozen bombes.

There’s a parrot in my hair.

Everything I’ve written for the last three hours just vanished off the screen.

Fandango is calling my name …

We need red Christmas lights right now!

Let’s make skeleton cookies.

I’m bored.

The cat on the bed behind me keeps patting my back.

Let’s go shopping for a fireplace.

You’re boring.

I see whales.

I need the original cast recording of The Mikado. From 1917.

I need more Coke.

Top Gear is on in 10 minutes.

I need more chocolate.

My God, it’s full of fish/Latin/crap/stars.

I’m out of black jelly beans.

Is there a Basque restaurant anywhere near here?

This computer doesn’t have the right font.

The vibe is bad.

You need socks.

The vibe is too good to write.

I need to learn to to tie a Turk’s head knot.

The sea is just so, like … big … (gaaaassp, cough cough cough)

I need a camera obscura.

*****

There are five-and-forty ways/Of constructing tribal lays/And every single one of them is TRUE.