Phase III complete

KAGE BAKER  hated medical tests. Nonetheless, she endured with a grim determination whatever was needed. She always said that if you expected medical science to help you, you’d better let it cast the bones and read your urine.

Doctors tended to look nonplussed when she told them this. It appears that medicine no longer teaches its own history to its students. Kage was always willing to take up the slack and educate them herself.

I am doing my best to face another round of tests with aplomb and courtesy; I don’t mind passing on a little information myself while I do so. Today, I turned on the mammogram tech to the works of Frank Herbert, just by taking my Kindle with me to my breast biopsy. Apparently, people do not usually take their Kindles along to this test … or recite the Litany of Fear for the edification of the staff. But I think it ought to be framed and on the wall of every testing room.

My biopsy went quite well. It was nowhere near as uncomfortable as I was led to believe, thanks to a generous use of Lidocaine; in fact, I’m still numb. The acrobatics of getting in position for the biopsy proper are undignified to the point of absurdity – one must be face down on a table with a hole cut in the center, through which the pertinent part of one’s anatomy is encouraged to protrude. Giggling is frowned upon, too, as the doctor doesn’t like it when you move while she’s trying to insert a foot long aspiration needle into your tit …

But really, it’s ridiculous. I have been informed that the design of the table comes almost unaltered from a piece of surgical furniture designed to accommodate the  male        genitalia  … all I can say is that (unlike our brethren’s wedding tackle) we ladies do not carry all our exterior equipment on the center line of our bodies. The one big hole in the center of the table is not really suited to the design of the bosom. And if the size of said hole is unchanged from the design on the original – well, there certainly were giants on the earth in those days, and they must have men of renown.

But it was really not too uncomfortable; I’ve endured worse. The Lidocaine worked a treat, and they got all the samples they needed on the first pass.  I now boast a platinum bead imbedded in my left breast, adding to my collection of precious metal jewellery for interior organs. The worst side effect has been a stiff neck and shoulder from lying still and trying not to fall through the table through sheer Dynamic Tension for 45 minutes.

I don’t know anything yet, and won’t for a few days. But the biopsy is done and gone, and I can relax about that, at least. Now I’m going to indulge myself a little, and watch John Stewart Stephen Colbert before I return to “Pareidolia”. Time to pick up the twisted thread of Joseph’s career in WWII Hollywood!

And, Dear Readers, I thank all of you for your wishes of good fortune and health. Makes a huge difference in surviving these little domestic hysterics sane, when you have such nice folks pulling for you.

About Kate

I am Kage Baker's sister. Kage was/is a well-known science fiction writer, who died on January 31, 2010. She told me to keep her work going - I'm doing that. This blog will document the process.
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3 Responses to Phase III complete

  1. Jane says:

    So glad you enjoyed the absurd aspects of the experience. When they told me to get up, they’d forgotten to lower the bed and I had a bout of motion sickness discovering myself six feet up in the air. They didn’t tell me about the beds origins – that makes total sense. I kept asking why there weren’t 2 holes to keep from squashing my right side? Do take the pain pills and keep those cold dressings coming! If you can type tonight, you’re way ahead of where I was afterward. Hats off to you!


    • Kate says:

      Jane – finding the absurdities in life is how I keep my brain from exploding in sheer frustration. Better to laugh. As to the biopsy – I have NO post-surgical pain. Don’t need pain pills, don’t need a cold pack – as far as my breast is concerned, all is normal and well.



  2. Becky says:

    You can’t make up stuff better than this! I tell you, you should write a book. Oh, wait, you are. Thanks for adding a bit of humor to my morning even though it had to come at an expense. Good results for the test are still in my communiques with God.


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