Kage Baker loved heat. But she was nuts.
Whenever summer reaches the inhuman levels of heat – as it is presently doing in Los Angeles – it comes clear to me that Kage was insane. Even before the days when my metabolism short-circuited if the temperature got over 80 degrees, I wondered about it. I was so miserable in the heat, and she was so happy! Triple digit heat, and Kage’s solution was to put on a silk pajama top and pin her hair up. Even more frustratingly, it always worked for her!
I don’t think she even usually sweated. Not like me. I start deliquesing when it gets hot; which is an interesting phenomenon when observed in exotic salts, but grotesque in a human being. Kage just glowed like metal in a forge. I suspected she might, if it got hot enough, either dissolve into white-hot droplets or simply burst into flames: but it would never be, you know – sticky.
After a mild July and August, Los Angeles has begun its annual end-of-summer heat wave. The temperature is into the 90’s, and expected to stay that way for several days. I have changed into nocturnal mode, observing the heat and light from the safe side of the windows. I wander from fan to fan, clutching my spray bottle/fan combo, flinching like a vampire playing chicken with the daylight.
In fact, it’s too damned hot to write. My writing hat is sticking to my brow. I shall regale you all, Dear Readers, with my amusing adventures in Nuclear Medicine later on – there were some interesting moments – probably late tonight, when I can sit in the cool (er) darkness and write for a while without melting on the keyboard.
For now I’m just hitting my mark, in a heat-exhausted effort to maintain the bare vestiges of discipline. Most of you are probably in similar shape … go drink iced tea or cold beer; eat frozen grapes and get into the Magnum ice cream bars. Sit as close to your fans and A/C as you can, and try to stay cool.
I think Kage was maybe part dragon. Or something like a cactus dryad. Me, I’m more like a Jello salad …
Kathleen, Kage and the Company 
That autumn heat use to annoy the heck out of me as a kid. Here was June, when you were free from school, fractions, and the Baltimore Catechism, it was cold and gloomy a and misty. Then, just as they march you back into school, the temperature would soar to ridiculous levels. At least in high school, we had that little polka dot of a pool for cooling off. With Miss Jasmine up top eyeballing candidates for basketball JV, it seems one could snatch some blessed coolth.
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Next time the doctors check under your hood, ask them (if you already haven’t) if you have a wonky hypothalamus.
Mine misbehaves if it gets too hot, egging on the pituitary, which is its stooge, to throw me into a panic attack, or make me vomit. Sometimes both. Such fun, the hypothalamus!
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No, my hypothalamas is just fine – my doctors checked it. My thyroid long ago joined the Dark Side, and my pancreas shut down just recently – all my other glands seem to be behaving normally. At least, for someone who has passed their warranty period.
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