All’s Weird But Well

Kage Baker would  declare from time to time that things had just gotten too hard to deal with, and it was time to run away. Her fondest wish was to one day run away to sea, but in default of that, she usually ran away to a sea side town – one we didn’t already live in – and spend a few days in a motel with no phone.

Sorry, Dear Readers of the male persuasion – things may get a little indelicate here. We women are not actually frail flowers of delicacy and tact: we’re a lot cruder than you valiant gentlemen, and have a truly horrendous sense of humor. I’ll try to spare your gentler sensibilities, but … quite frankly, gentlemen, being a woman requires one to be especially tough and ferocious.

The last week has been … peculiar. Went in Monday for a biopsy – no biopsy achieved, due to what my (semi-freaked-out) gynecologist primly referred to as “a significant bleeding event.” That means whatever is wrong with me prefers not to be disturbed in its isolation, and objected by flooding the examining table. I am fine now, but spent Tuesday and Wednesday mostly lying down in a fairly light-headed state.

The doctors resorted to using an ultrasound (they can be used internally – did you know? I don’t recommend it for light entertainment) instead of a biopsy, which was rather like having a MetroRail station installed between my legs. Lots of beeping machines, flashing lights, people calling for something to dam the flood …also, what they euphemistically referred to as an ultrasound “wand” had obviously been mixed up with a baseball bat. That thing should have been capable of reading the inside of my skull.

Someone should train young doctors on careless things not to say during ultrasound exams, too. Hearing them exclaim “What’s that?” is unnerving. Makes one wonder if they just can’t find your cervix – I know where it is, they could have asked – or if an alien is about to leap out and eat your gynecologist’s face. And whether or not you would like it to do that …

Bottom line on the exam experience: something is wrong with me, and something that shouldn’t be there is taking up room in my uterus. So very soon I will be going to the hospital for a hysteroscopy, where they’ll have a look with me safely asleep under anesthesia – Huzzah! – and probably remove most of my plumbing. I don’t mind at all, as it’s obviously gone to the Dark Side and is no longer my friend.

But then, back at the ranch … my CPU died, and is no longer talking to my monitor. So it makes noises like it’s working but I can’t see anything. Our home network here has some sort of glitch, and the other desktop is only working intermittently, and I’ve been asleep so much of the time that I just never got to a working computer. That’s where I have been all week. But now repairs are under way, and communications have resumed!I won’t lose so much time again.

But in the meantime, the corgi has an ear infection and had to go to the vet’s this morning, because he’s been travelling through the house with his head pressed to the floor, rubbing his ears on everything. And the trip to Fry’s to drop off the CPU found every bit of road work between here and Burbank, which I think is being removed. And I have to go running off to the doctor’s again with more paperwork while they work on cramming me into the hospital as soon as possible …

Busy times. Annoying times. Times when I would love to go hide somewhere for a week, and am sort of grateful for the last several days of dazed quiet. But I missed everyone, and my nice little soap box here: and anyway, I’ve been quiet long enough now.

So I’m back. Normal functions are resumed, and – as the poet says – anything you still can’t cope with is your own problem …

But I’m relatively fine, and absolutely back!

About Kate

I am Kage Baker's sister. Kage was/is a well-known science fiction writer, who died on January 31, 2010. She told me to keep her work going - I'm doing that. This blog will document the process.
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9 Responses to All’s Weird But Well

  1. Funny, I went through something very similar three years ago, just before Dickens Fair. Between that and the loss of a dear friend (and various other calamities) September was hell that year. Hope all the plumbing issues go easily (mine was fibroids), and make sure to have folks to do the running around for you, as you’ll be a little less perky for a bit.

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  2. Margaret says:

    I’m glad to hear that you’re partway through the discovery process, and do hope the culprit turns out to be naught but a Giant Fibroid. Also glad they’re makng efforts to get the uncertainty part over as fast as possible.

    I think I went to that gynecologist’s spiritual twin here in NM last year, for the same procedure. And a hearty #!?*#!! to her, too.

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  3. PJ says:

    Gracious. The plumbing is such a trial. Best of luck with the fix up.

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  4. Jane says:

    Welcome back, Kate! And oh wow you can make me laugh out loud and tear up in the same post! I once saw comedian Robin Tyler on stage, acting out a gynecological exam in front of 2000 men and women. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen, and 100% true. Men were squirming, women laughing with tears running down their faces.

    Here’s hoping that they get the ‘alien’ out quickly, and let you recuperate in, oh, Mauii or some such warm and lovely spot. Thanks for writing and letting us know how you are.

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  5. Kathy says:

    Sending all good wishes to zap the alien intruder out, at the earliest opportunity. Rest well afterward, and maybe you’ll have more energy after this is all cleared up.

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  6. Widdershins says:

    Changed out the candle for another one and ’tis alight… the baseball bat comment resulted in the cat having a tea shower. She was NOT impressed!

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  7. I so love that all the horrors, trials, and annoyance leave your wry wit intact. Laughter may not cure everything (or anything) but what else can you do? 🙂

    Be well.

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  8. Tom says:

    Awfully good to hear from you, Kathleen, and mightily funny, too, in a sanguine way.

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  9. Kate says:

    Aha! A sure sign of success! I have been officially designated as having as wry wit! Thank you, Maggie.

    However, you are so right – what can you do but laugh at this crap? I mean, the ludicrous quotient is very high … so high it’s stinkin’, actually. (Rim shot and a buck and wing stage left …)

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